I am not Caucasian. I am not Korean. I am Caucasian. I am Korean. I see a pretty white girl and think I can never look like her. I see a pretty Korean girl and think I could never look like her. I see a Korean family and my heart relates but my experiences don't. I am completely immersed in American culture, and I have no qualms about that, but it breaks my heart to think about my lack of knowledge in Korean culture. Being mixed is a part of what makes me who I am, and yet I still wonder, what if I was only Korean? What if I was only Caucasian? Would I have more sense of belonging? Or would there always be something that makes me feel different? We are taught to embrace ourselves and the things that make us unique, but what about when those differences make us feel like outsiders? I can't be in a group of Caucasian people without being "The Asian Girl" and I can't be in a group of Korean people without feeling ignorant.
When I really really think about it, I am glad for who I am and where I come from and I don't actually want anything different. These are just thoughts that cross my mind every now and then.
However, if I were to change one thing it would be that I knew the Korean language. It seriously depresses me that I don't know it. If anyone is bilingual and wondering if they should bother teaching their children, the answer is YES. When I asked my mom why she didn't teach me Korean she said that I didn't want to learn. How I wish she would have forced it on me!
Anyway, sorry for the random thoughts, I haven't blogged in a while and this is what you come back to, haha.
As far as living in Colorado, we still love it and finally feel like we live somewhere we feel comfortable settling down. We love Denver but we are still not sure if we want to settle down in a downtown area once we start having children, but for now it is perfect for us. We love just walking around finding new places to eat and new people to talk to. We've been spending a lot of time together and keep growing closer as a couple and it brings so much joy to my heart. Also, our studio apartment is just about as settled in as it can be. It is quaint to say the least. :)
That is all. Ta Ta. Let me know if you have any thoughts about this post!
xoxo, tiff
